OMG! I Just Met My Hero! What in the World Am I Going to Eat?

Have you missed me?

I've had medical issues the past few days concerning my chicken fried steak organ, the gallbladder. It seems to be tired of Texas cuisine and unhappy with me. It organ-ized a protest. Get it? It's an organ? Organized? Okay, back to our list!

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat? 


Okay, this one bothered me. You're eating dinner with the one person you would like to dine with in history and you're worried about what you would eat. Really? Instead of being like, "Oh my god, I'm sitting in front of Ben Franklin! What do I say? I hope I don't fart. I wonder if he'll give me his autograph?" You're like, "Oh my god, it's Ben Franklin! I don't know whether to order the fish or the pork! Waiter! Waiter! Quick! What's the soup of the day?"

Now that I got my complaint off my chest, let me analyze this question like I analyze everything, so I have clear boundaries for this question. What does anyone in history mean? For our intents and purposes, we will assume that means a human being that made an important impact on the world and is currently dead. I say "currently" because, you know, zombie apocalypse any day now.

I would have to choose Steve Irwin. I considered Jesus, but, think about it. What would you eat at a dinner with Jesus? Jesus. His blood and his body, right? Okay, see? Now it's a bad and tacky joke.

"Hey, man, what do eat at a dinner with Jesus?"
"I don't know. What?"
"Jesus!"
"Ahahahaha! You're going to Hell."

Steve Irwin, known as the Crocodile Hunter, was a wildlife expert and conservationist. He ran the Australian  Zoo and starred in various nature shows that followed him on his adventures all over the world studying and teaching about animals. He died on September 4, 2006 from being pierced in the heart by a stingray. He saw the beauty in all creatures, had a great sense of humor, a happy disposition, and passion for his job. He discovered two news species of animals and bought huge tracts of land for conservation purposes. He was a celebrity ambassador for Australia, for wildlife, and for the environment. I cried for days after his death and it took a few years before I could watch anything with a Steve Irwin appearance without tearing up and clutching my chest. I would love to have dinner with him, even if the table was crowded and I never got to speak to him.

For my dinner with Steve Irwin, I would probably eat a bowl of vegetable soup and a turkey sandwich, light on the mustard, with cheddar cheese, sugarless wheat bread, tomato, and lettuce. I would have water to drink.  For dessert, I'd have a warm slice of banana bread. Mmm. This is not because I think this is the greatest meal ever, but because of the protesting gallbladder.