Detail Orientated Natural Leader Seeks Man Who Can Fold Towels...Correctly

13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.


Do you remember when you first started filling out applications for your first job and somebody gave you the advice, "Write your weaknesses as your strengths?" So, if you had trouble switching from one task to another, you wrote down that you were detail oriented. Or, if you were messy, you wrote: works well in chaotic environment. I still do this in my head. I'm not a control freak, I'm a natural leader! So, to focus my mind on the task, I decided to look up the definition of weakness. www.dictionary.com defines weakness as:

noun

1.

the state or quality of being weak;  lack of strength,firmness, vigor, or the like; feebleness.

2.

an inadequate or defective quality, as in a person'scharacter; slight fault or defect: to show great sympathy forhuman weaknesses.

3.

a self-indulgent liking or special fondness, as for aparticular thing: I've always had a weakness for the opera.

4.

an object of special desire; something very difficult toresist: Chocolates were her weakness.

I decided that my first four weaknesses will be based numerically on the four definitions. So...


1. This is easy. I have arthritis throughout my body, from my neck, all through my spine, in my hips and in my knees. I am in pain daily and when I get flair ups, I can barely do anything. Sometimes I can barely feel my limbs. I have trouble backing out my car because I cannot turn my neck enough to look over my shoulder. Friends can testify to this because I have hit their parked cars. I also have hypoglycemia. When my sugar drops, I become an idiot and run the risk of fainting. This can be comical or scary, depending on the situation. If I say I have to eat, I REALLY have to eat.

2. When I was Vice President of a college club, I often scolded the other members for not doing their jobs. The other officers got so irritated with me, and I at them, that I decided to leave the club immediately. Our sponsor, a professor, called an emergency meeting. She explained that I didn't ask anything of the officers that I didn't expect of myself. And, yes, I was hard on them, but I was harder on myself. This was very enlightening to me. At that time, I wasn't aware of this trait. I learned to ease up on myself and others...some.

3. I have a special fondness for the Bible. I do not consider myself a Christian. In fact, if confronted by a Christian concerned for my soul, there is a good chance I won't be nice. I do have many Christian friends, and I respect their faith and they don't try to convert me, so we get along swimmingly. But, I have always loved the Bible. Many of my Bibles have notes in the margins. The notes could be questions, observations, a link to another scripture else where, whether I agree or disagree, and even how that scripture related to whatever was going on in my life at the time. To me, my Bibles feel like diaries. I have read the Bible several times, but haven't in a long time. Too long, really. 

This is my third Bible. My first is put away in a keepsake box and my second Bible fell apart from  use.

This is the inside of my third Bible. As you can see, I made it mine. This was a birthday present to myself when I was 15. 

4. Chocolate. I know it's the example in the definition. I know it's cliche. I know that just about every woman in the United States could and probably would say the same. But it's true. I love chocolate. I'm a chocolate connoisseur. I prefer 72% dark chocolate. If you blindfold me and put chocolate in my mouth (I'm paranoid, so this will never happen), I will be able to tell you if it's milk chocolate, dark chocolate or white chocolate. If it's dark chocolate, I can get pretty darn accurate about telling you the percentage of dark chocolate. I know cheap chocolate and I know GOOD chocolate. My current favorite is made by Dagoba. Give them a try! 

5. I'm a perfectionist. Nobody can do what I do better than I can. When my husband folds the towels, I go in behind him and refold them. If my daughter dusts, I go in behind her and dust again. When I worked at the bookstore, I would go in behind someone helping in my section and straighten the shelves. It's hard for me to settle for "good enough." When I settle for "good enough," you must understand that part of my soul has just died. RIP, piece of soul. 

Mayday Mayday Mayday

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

Mom and Me

The month of May is a hard month for me. Four years ago, my mother went into a coma on Mother's Day and she never woke up. She died on May 21, 2008. Less than two weeks later, I was in a foreign country for the first time, by myself, starting my journey for an MFA. My son was 8 months old and had an ear infection and I wasn't there to take care of him. That is a summary of the hardest thing I have ever experienced.

There are details, of course. When the doctor told my father, brother, and me that my mother wouldn't wake up from this coma, we were given the decision whether to give life support or remove it. Our father told us that he would honor our choice. My brother said he couldn't make the choice because, if it was left to him, he would keep her alive forever. My mother told me many times that she did not want to be on life support. So, I made the decision. It took her ten days to die. The nurses would come in with little moistened sponges to dab inside her mouth and my mother's mouth would reflexively suck on the sponges.

After she died, I started having nightmares that my mother was trying to kill me so I stopped sleeping. I went to the doctor. He prescribed Zoloft and Ambien.

Life had to go on. My daughter turned 6 on May 29. Her first year in kindergarten ended. My son developed an ear infection that kept him up late into the night crying. A few days later, I was on a plane to Ireland with my nightmares and grief, leaving behind my father, brother, the yet marked grave of my mother, a sick child, and another just free from school. I knew nobody in Ireland. I found the group at the airport in Dublin and tried to make eye contact. "Make friends," my husband told me. Nobody talked to me. I rode alone on the bus to our hotel in Carlow. I ate breakfast alone. Sometimes I tried to tag along with a cliche of girls, but they all walked faster than me and talked about people I didn't know. Some people were nice enough, but distant. I finally forced a girl as alone as I was to be my friend. Poor Dorina. But she championed along and we wandered the depressing streets of Carlow for fish and chips or a sandwich. I felt extremely alone. I felt like a failure as a mother because I wasn't there to care for my son. I felt like a failure as a daughter because I chose to let my mother die. I felt like a failure as a person, because I could not fit in. There were two beds in my hotel room, one a double and one a single. I slept in the single because the double would remind me that my husband wasn't there.

When I returned from Ireland, life was still going on. Life hadn't stopped in the States. The kids were the same, my husband was the same, the animals were the same. But I wasn't the same. June in Ireland, the sun goes down around 11 PM and rises much too early. The hotel windows had big, heavy, red curtains that blocked out everything and made the room darker than any night on my uncle's farm. When I got home, I could not sleep. The sun through the window blinds gave me migraines. The semi-darkness of night made me grind my teeth. I put a sheet over the bedroom window. I closed all the doors. I hid under the blankets in bed. And, whenever I slept, my mother tried to kill me.

Did I Do That?

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.

I'm getting this one out of the way. Not because I'm super embarrassed by my most embarrassing moment, but because I don't have one. I've been embarrassed plenty of times, but they have always been minor embarrassments. I sat around for awhile with this list waiting for something embarrassing to happen that would be worth writing about, but, I'm sad to say I'm pretty boring. All the usual embarrassing things that happen to other people have happened to me. I've farted near a cute boy in class, I've had my fly unzipped in public, I've fallen many times, I've had a booger on my face I didn't know about, I've called someone the wrong name, I've had my kids yell things completely inappropriate in public, but, you know, nothing EMBARRASSING has really happened to me. To err is human; to get over it, divine? Still, I don't want my readers to feel like I'm just trying to get out of this without sharing anything. Therefore, I will regale you with five random embarrassing moments.

1. When Corey was three, I took her into the church restroom. There were a few other women in the restroom. Corey and I went in a stall together. First she peed, then I peed. While I was peeing, Corey remarked as loudly as possible, "Mama, why do you have hair on your vagina and I don't?"

2. I don't think I stopped playing with toys until 9th grade. I can't quite remember, but I do know most other teenagers I knew didn't have toys in their rooms except for display. One time, a friend came down to my house with another girl that didn't like me. My blinds were open. Instead of going to the door, they came to my window. Busted playing My Little Pony.

Oh, Moonstone, you rebellious pony! I'm so glad you settled down and had foals of your own.

3. In middle school, I had a project to design a poster board about me. One of the mandatory elements was a  schedule of a typical day. I listed on my daily schedule the fact that I watched Star Trek: The Next Generation twice a day, every day. I had no idea that Star Trek was not considered awesomely cool and got made fun of for a week.

4. More recently, I went to Party City with a friend of mine and my kids. I had taken prescription pain killers for chronic pain and my sugar was dropping, so I was in the middle of a brain fog. That's my excuse, anyway. While purchasing my items, the clerk asked if I wanted a bag. I think I stood there staring at her for a full minute trying to comprehend what a bag was and why in Hell I would want one. Finally, it dawned on me and I said, "Yes!" With a great sigh of relief. Even the clerk looked relieved to finally have an answer and I apologized profusely for the long delay. She asked me very slowly if I wanted the receipt in the bag after that.

Bag? What's a bag? 

5. I left my hometown at the age of 19, but my parents still lived there. About five years, give or take a couple of years, I was stopping at the grocery store for my mom and discovered that the checkout clerk was a guy I knew throughout middle school and high school. Last time I had seen him, he was dating a girl that I didn't much care for because she made fun of me for wearing a cowboy hat and boots. You know how high school love is, so I assumed he had moved on from this girl and stupidly commented that I couldn't believe he dated her. He stared me straight int he eyes and told me he was still with her. Hell, he might have told me he married her. All I know was it was a complete foot-in-mouth moment.

By the Power of Grayskull, I Am...The Zombie Mom!

If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

I'm afraid I don't have a very exciting answer for this one. I realize I could choose a super power to better mankind, but I'm no dummy. You start helping all mankind with a super power and the government is either going to want to experiment on you or imprison you because they see you as more of a threat. Plus, people would never leave you alone. If you have the ability to heal, everyone and their dying guinea pig is going to show up at the door. I imagine that would be quite draining. Any kind of superpower really needs to be low key.

Invisibility could be nice, except when people accidentally sit on you or roll their shopping cart into the back of your legs.

Great hearing would be awesome if you were a bit of a gossip, but with great hearing comes the increased pains of shouting, bass speakers in cars, lawn mowers, and garbage trucks. No thanks.

Flying is cold, turbulent, requires landing, and, let's face it, for the birds! You run the risk of getting shot down, struck by a plane, or attacked by hawks. In my dreams, the only way I can fly is if I stand on my head first, and then it's more of a glide. I can always fly highest when I'm relaxed. When someone is out to get me, I have to stand on my head a lot.

Landscape with the Fall of Icarus 

I would never in my life want to be psychic. I'm already really good at reading people and figuring out their emotions. I don't need to hear their thoughts on top of that. I knew a guy that was possibly psychic according to some other people I know. Oh my goodness, knowing someone might be psychic is way worse than not knowing. I promise you that by even considering a persons might be psychic puts a ton of worse (and dirty) thoughts in your head than normal. Because, at that point, you're thinking about all the things you don't want to think about because you don't want the psychic person to know you're thinking those things!

The most awesome super power would be the ability to clean the house in seconds, just by snapping my fingers (I can't wiggle my nose). I can do it when nobody's around so no one will ever figure out what happened. Carpets would be stain free, couches would be fur free, and every nook and cranny dust free without me sneezing a single time. It would work only for my own house, because in somebody else's house I wouldn't know where everything goes. Therefore, it wouldn't be a super power I would have to worry about sharing. My nails would grow out to a nice length. I would be able to get a book off the shelf without having to get my husband or daughter to dust it off and wipe it down with a damp cloth first. I would not nearly die walking into my son's room. And I would have a lovely yard, because a clean house is clean inside and out!

Oh, to be a kid again and want to be able to shape-shift or walk through walls. No, no, it's goodbye soap scum for me.