Did I Do That?

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.

I'm getting this one out of the way. Not because I'm super embarrassed by my most embarrassing moment, but because I don't have one. I've been embarrassed plenty of times, but they have always been minor embarrassments. I sat around for awhile with this list waiting for something embarrassing to happen that would be worth writing about, but, I'm sad to say I'm pretty boring. All the usual embarrassing things that happen to other people have happened to me. I've farted near a cute boy in class, I've had my fly unzipped in public, I've fallen many times, I've had a booger on my face I didn't know about, I've called someone the wrong name, I've had my kids yell things completely inappropriate in public, but, you know, nothing EMBARRASSING has really happened to me. To err is human; to get over it, divine? Still, I don't want my readers to feel like I'm just trying to get out of this without sharing anything. Therefore, I will regale you with five random embarrassing moments.

1. When Corey was three, I took her into the church restroom. There were a few other women in the restroom. Corey and I went in a stall together. First she peed, then I peed. While I was peeing, Corey remarked as loudly as possible, "Mama, why do you have hair on your vagina and I don't?"

2. I don't think I stopped playing with toys until 9th grade. I can't quite remember, but I do know most other teenagers I knew didn't have toys in their rooms except for display. One time, a friend came down to my house with another girl that didn't like me. My blinds were open. Instead of going to the door, they came to my window. Busted playing My Little Pony.

Oh, Moonstone, you rebellious pony! I'm so glad you settled down and had foals of your own.

3. In middle school, I had a project to design a poster board about me. One of the mandatory elements was a  schedule of a typical day. I listed on my daily schedule the fact that I watched Star Trek: The Next Generation twice a day, every day. I had no idea that Star Trek was not considered awesomely cool and got made fun of for a week.

4. More recently, I went to Party City with a friend of mine and my kids. I had taken prescription pain killers for chronic pain and my sugar was dropping, so I was in the middle of a brain fog. That's my excuse, anyway. While purchasing my items, the clerk asked if I wanted a bag. I think I stood there staring at her for a full minute trying to comprehend what a bag was and why in Hell I would want one. Finally, it dawned on me and I said, "Yes!" With a great sigh of relief. Even the clerk looked relieved to finally have an answer and I apologized profusely for the long delay. She asked me very slowly if I wanted the receipt in the bag after that.

Bag? What's a bag? 

5. I left my hometown at the age of 19, but my parents still lived there. About five years, give or take a couple of years, I was stopping at the grocery store for my mom and discovered that the checkout clerk was a guy I knew throughout middle school and high school. Last time I had seen him, he was dating a girl that I didn't much care for because she made fun of me for wearing a cowboy hat and boots. You know how high school love is, so I assumed he had moved on from this girl and stupidly commented that I couldn't believe he dated her. He stared me straight int he eyes and told me he was still with her. Hell, he might have told me he married her. All I know was it was a complete foot-in-mouth moment.